Not A Diamond
by iluv2h8u1
Summary: Jackie Diamond wasn't a diamond. She wasn't perfect or shiny, she was cracked and dull. She wasn't something people fawned over. She wasn't a prize and she sure as hell wasn't priceless. She was more like dirt, so common no one cares. T for language.
1. Chapter 1

Jackie Diamond wasn't a diamond. She wasn't perfect or shiny, she was cracked and dull. She wasn't something people fawned over. She wasn't a prize and she sure as hell wasn't priceless. She was more like dirt, something so common no one ever gives it a second thought to. Her parents didn't even give her a second glance.

In fact, the only time her parents gave her a second look, one of those "I'm so disappointed in you" looks, was when she messed up. It was like they knew she was a screw-up, they just liked to watch her slowly deteriorate and crumble, but sometimes they liked to speed things along. Those looks were always followed by a lecture on how she could improve herself.

"When did this start?" the countless psychologists the school provided would ask, trying to get her to open up and diagnose her with some mental illness.

"When I was born," she would always answer. And it was true; her older brother was just so fucking precious, learning how to walk and talk while all she could do was sit there and cry. Her parents complained about her crying. She would cry every night, and that habit didn't go away. At sixteen, she was still sobbing nightly, crying herself to sleep.

At fourteen, life somehow got worse for her. Her oh-so-perfect brother got the chance to be famous and live is stupid dream while she was stuck at home—no, in Minnesota. She could never call that godforsaken state—no, hellhole—home. It wasn't where she belonged and it sure as fucking hell where she was loved.

The thing was, she knew people had real problems, problems that were much worse than hers. She knew people dealt with abuse, hunger, poverty…all of it.

She had no fucking right to be depressed, yet there she was. And that made her hate herself even more.

Fourteen was her worst year. As if she wasn't compared to her brother enough, when he left to become a famous singer, it was like an avalanche. They all looked at her with disgust and hatred. She could hear their whispers: "That's James's sister?" and "How is she related to him?"

Her parents would ask her, "Why can't you be more like your brother?"

She would never say anything in front of them. Instead, she'd escape to her room, her sanctuary, and write everything down, either in a Word document on her laptop or in one of her many journals. Her bookshelf was filled with journals and notebooks, all filled with words she'd never say to anyone's face.

No one ever seemed to realize how much their words affected her. They were helping her slowly destroy herself, even if they didn't know it.

Jackie was lying on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She was thinking about the last time she was truly, genuinely happy. It was so long ago that she couldn't even remember it. Or it just didn't happen and she was trying to remember something that never happened.

As she stared at the cracked ceiling (_Like her_, she thought), her cell phone dinged. Was it just another text from her parents, reminding her that she wasn't like her brother? Was it another text from one of those sluts at her school that feel the need to text her saying she'll never get her happy ending and that she should just give up? Either way, she knew it wasn't going to be a happy text, so she ignored it and continued to stare at the ceiling.

About an hour later, her cell phone rang again. She sighed and picked the phone up off of her nightstand.

_James calling_

She sighed and answered it. "What the fuck do you want?" she asked.

"_Watch the language_," James scolded.

"Shut up and tell me already," she said, rolling her eyes.

"_You're coming to visit for the summer!_" her brother said.

She shot up in bed. "_**WHAT?**_"

…**So that's the beginning of my new story. I know I have like a billion other stories to write, but I kinda got writer's block on those and this popped into my head…so I just started writing.**

**So, yeah, review, I guess…Three reviews and I continue?**


	2. Chapter 2

"You've got to be kidding me!" Jackie almost yelled. "I'm not going, no way."

"_What? You don't want to see your only brother?_" James replied, sounding hurt.

"No," she replied simply, running a hand through her hair. She knew she should've just ignored the damn thing.

"_Well, too bad, little sister. Mom and Tony don't want you to stay inside all summer like you did for the past two summers, so you're coming to LA with me and the guys."_

"Yay," she said sarcastically, looking at the calendar she had over her bed. She had a week to prepare herself to move from one hellhole to another.

"_So start packing, because you're leaving in a week,_" her older brother told her.

"_LOGAN, GIVE ME BACK MY HELMET!_" a voice, most likely Carlos's, yelled on the other side of the phone.

"_James, help me get them to stop fighting,_" Kendall's voice said.

"_Sorry, I have to go, Jackie. See you soon,_" James said, hanging up on her.

She sighed, stood up, and pulled a suitcase from her closet. There wasn't going to be an option to stay in Minnesota, so she might as well just pack her bag and act like she was excited.

-ONE WEEK LATER-

Jackie looked at her plane ticket. It was first class, a "treat" from her brother. She didn't want the first class ticket, she would've been fine in economy class, but her brother insisted she fly first class. She just gave up and let him buy her a first class ticket.

"FIRST CLASS IS NOW BOARDING."

Jackie sighed, ran a hand through her perfect hair, and stood up, making her way to whatever the thing you went where you gave the attendant the ticket was. She handed the attendant the ticket.

The stewardess looked at her oddly. "Aren't you a little young to fly first class alone?"

"That's what I said," Jackie said, walking into the plane through that walkway thing.

-WITH THE BOYS, HOURS LATER-

"So your sister's coming today?" Kendall asked James, tossing the baseball in the air and catching it.

"Yeah," James replied.

"Is she still hot?" Kendall asked. James snatched the ball from midair. Kendall looked at him. "What the hell?"

"One rule, my sister is off limits," James stated, looking around warningly. "That goes for you two, too," he said, pointing at Logan and Carlos. He handed the ball back to Kendall.

About an hour later, James's cell phone rang.

_JJ calling_

He answered it. "What's up, Jackie?"

"_I'm in the lobby,_" she said. He could hear the frustration and anger in her voice. "_And the goddamn manager won't tell me what room you're in because he thinks I'm some crazed fan._"

"I'll be right down with the guys," James stated. "See you soon." He hung up on her and turned to face his friends. "She's down in the lobby. Come on."

The four boys left the apartment. When they got down to the lobby, though, they couldn't see her. The only person talking to the manager was a dark-haired brunette. She turned slightly, facing the boys. Logan immediately recognized her.

Her eyes met Logan's. She was so much prettier than he remembered. It didn't look like she had on any makeup, and her outfit was only a pair of jeans and a red v-neck. Her deep blue eyes, which were nothing like her brother's hazel eyes, pierced into his, taking his breath away. He tore his eyes from her and took a deep breath before pointing at her.

"I think that's her," he said, looking at James. James looked at her and burst into a smile before walking over to her.

She stood completely still as the boys hugged her. She didn't hug back, merely kept her hands at her sides, trying not to make it obvious that she hated them.

Yes, she hated her brother and his friends, though it was on different levels. She hated her perfect brother for obvious reasons. She hated Kendall because he was so damn perfect as well. She hated Carlos because he was so fucking happy all the time and she was jealous of that. And she hated Logan because she was in love with him.

He was the only one who never compared her to her brother. He never said anything rude or mean to her or about her. He understood how she felt. It was him that always knew she wasn't happy. He knew that she felt so useless and so inferior. He was the one who first noticed how depressed she was. He was the one who first confronted her about her emotions. He knew almost everything about her.

And that was why she hated him.

**I wanna thank everyone who reviewed (jchamberz, ccdille72, TyTakeda). So I'm gonna ask for four reviews this time before I update. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Jackie sat down on the disgustingly orange couch in apartment 2J, folding her arms. Sure, she said she'd come, but she never said she'd enjoy it. No one spoke for the next few minutes, until Katie walked into the apartment, whining about something or the other. She noticed the girl sitting on the couch.

"Who's she?" she asked rudely, pointing to Jackie. The aforementioned girl said nothing.

"She's your roommate for the summer," Kendall said. "It's Jackie."

"Oh," Katie said unenthusiastically. It wasn't a surprise to Jackie; no one was ever excited to see her. The level of awkwardness rose, though it didn't seem possible.

"Let's go down to the pool," Kendall suddenly suggested. Jackie tensed. She couldn't. Her right leg had a long scar on it. Then everyone would know. She reluctantly agreed, but she wouldn't go in the pool. No way in hell. The boys and Katie rushed to their bedrooms to get changed.

Logan was the only one who stood in the living room with Jackie. "I know you're afraid that they'll see."

"It's not like they care," Jackie replied.

Logan rolled his eyes. "Don't say that, because they do."

"Whatever," she replied.

"Yeah, whatever," Logan replied, rolling his eyes again. He left the room, leaving Jackie looking after him, hoping no one noticed how much she wanted him.

-AT THE POOL-

Jackie sat on one of the pool's lounge chairs in her jeans and tank top, not paying attention to anyone around her. She had one of her notebooks out and was busy writing.

_You could've bowed out gracefully, but you didn't_

_You knew enough to know to leave well enough alone, but you wouldn't_

_I drive myself crazy trying to stay out of my own way, the messes that I've made_

_But my secrets are so safe, the only one who gets me, yeah you get me, it's amazing to me_

_How every day, every day, every day, you save my life_

_I come around all broken down and crowded out in your comfort_

_Sometimes the place I go is so deep and dark and desperate I don't know, I don't know_

_How every day, every day, every day, you save my life_

_Sometimes I swear I don't know if I'm coming or going_

_But you always say something without even knowing_

_That I'm hanging onto your words with all of my mind_

_And it's alright, yeah, I'm alright for one more night_

_Every day_

_Every day, every day, every day, every day, every day_

_You save me, you save me, ooh_

_Every day, every, every, every, day_

_Every day you save my life_

She sighed and looked up from her notebook, her eyes searching the premises for someone she knew. Her brother was flirting with some brunette, Kendall was making out with a blonde chick, Carlos was nowhere to be seen, Katie was talking with a red-haired boy around her age, and Logan was nowhere to be seen. He was probably trying to convince Carlos not to do some crazy stunt.

She sighed again and opened to a new page in her notebook, trying to think of something to write. She eventually closed her notebook and leaned back in the chair, sighing. Why was this stupid place so boring?

"Why aren't you in the pool?" Carlos asked from somewhere in front of her.

"Because I'm not in the mood to go swimming," she replied, not opening her eyes.

"Why not?" Carlos asked, sitting down on the chair in front of her.

Jackie opened her eyes. "I'm just not, okay?"

"You're upset about something," he said. "What is it?"

"It's nothing, Carlos," she replied. "I'm just not in the mood today."

"How about tomorrow, then?" he asked her.

"Yeah, sure," Jackie lied. She had no intentions of going in the pool at any point during the summer.

Carlos sent a happy smile her way before running off.

"You shouldn't lie to him like that," Logan's voice said from behind her.

"What else was I supposed to say?" she asked. "'Oh, no, I can't or else you'll see the cut I made on my leg and realize that I'm depressed?'"

"That would be weird," Logan agreed, sitting down on the same chair, occupying the seat Carlos had just vacated.

"So are you okay?" he asked her.

"Define 'okay'," she replied.

"As in when was the last time you…you know…_cut yourself_?" he asked, whispering the last two words in his sentence.

"A while ago," she answered, rolling her eyes.

"Let me see your wrists," he demanded. Jackie rolled her eyes again, but handed him her wrist.

Logan winced at the familiar feel of the cuts that lined her wrist. He turned her wrist over to inspect it. The last cut seemed to be from a few months ago.

"Next one," he stated, motioning for her to give him her wrist. She complied, rolling her eyes again. He noticed that she'd been telling the truth.

"See? I'm not cutting myself," she replied, folding her arms.

"That's a good thing," he stated. "You almost went too far last time."

"I know," she replied. "I was lucky."

"No, I was there," he said, shoving her gently.

"That's what I meant, stupid," she replied, shoving him back.

"Sure, whatever," Logan said, smiling at her.

She shoved him off of the chair. "I never said I would share with you."

"You didn't seem to have a problem with me a few minutes ago," he replied.

"But then you got annoying," Jackie stated.

"You can be such a bitch sometimes," Logan said.

Jackie smiled, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "Duh, who do you think I am?"

He smiled back, shaking his head. At that moment, a football flew into the pool area, hitting Logan's chest, knocking him backwards into the pool.

Jackie burst out laughing. "There's one good thing about Los Angeles," she stated, smirking, as he came up again.

"Again, you're a bitch," he stated.

"Do you even know me at all?"

…**So that's chapter three. Does anyone else just **_**LOVE**_** the way Logan sings the word "Friday" in the song Paralyzed? It's so weird, but so cute! The song is Every Day by Rascal Flatts.**

**Anyway, I wanna get up to at least nine reviews. I'm at six now, so review? *hopeful face***


	4. Chapter 4

**_Well, this is hard to say, but I've been admitted to a psychiatric hospital, for depression and an eating disorder (OED, obsessive eating disorder). I'm only On the Internet, which is usually banned for patients, because my mom's still in America, and she's used to me being in the hospital, and I could email her to mention it to her. I decided to tell you why I've not been updating. I'm most likely going to be here for a few months. Ps, look up the song Wasted by Carrie Underwood, it's amazing. Love always, Raeanne_**


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